'It's a brutal adjustment': How to cope when your child goes to university

Luke felt overwhelmed with both pride and grief after dropping his son off at university for the first time.

"After 18 years of seeing him every day and taking care of him, I miss him so much and I don't really know what to do with myself."

At first, being in these groups felt helpful for practical information, particularly in the weeks before his son headed to university, Luke says. But now they're feeding his anxiety.

There have also been questions about Amazon parcel logistics, requests to borrow cereal bowls and what tog duvet other people's children were given.

Because his messages and calls go largely unanswered, Luke will also watch videos posted on the university's social media accounts, hoping to catch a glimpse of his son among the throngs of Freshers. Other parents have sheepishly confessed they're doing the same.

Some parents say they feel compelled to regularly check a Facebook group for parents and carers

"Sometimes parents send their child to university and they're not even worried, but then these group chats create a worry that something might be wrong," says Rayyah Uddin, 20, a third-year student at the University of Nottingham.

"These are issues the students should really be figuring out for themselves, and it is better if parents try and talk to their child rather than immediately jump to other parents," she says.

Parent social media groups can be useful, according to psychologist Charlotte Armitage, but not when they are used to share private difficulties, track movements or ask questions that the student is capable of asking themselves.

"Of course, where there is a credible safeguarding concern, a significant change in behaviour, or a known risk to their wellbeing, parents should act."

A big part of going to university is about being independent, says Manchester University student Archie Forde, 19, who has heard stories of parents "pinging phones at 3am and calling their kids 12 times a week".

The groups can be "echo chambers where everyone just spins each other out about their kids", he says, and suggests having a proper conversation with your child about boundaries, before university starts.