Four years later, moved from Los Angeles to a smaller coastal city, I'm still struggling to adapt
Leaving Los Angeles behind
The writer was born and raised in Los Angeles, near family, childhood friends and favorite local places. Moving to Santa Barbara did not take much persuasion: their partner was there, along with beaches, walkable paths and scenic views.
The differences became clear soon after the move. In Los Angeles, the writer had friends at many stages of life and connections to their friends; that sense of belonging was harder to find in Santa Barbara.
Finding a social foothold
The writer felt that many Santa Barbara residents already had established social circles. Some people they met had stayed in the city, while others had gone away for college and later returned.
They tried Bumble BFF and made a few connections, but none became lasting or felt natural. Local leisure habits also differed from what the writer knew: in their inland upbringing, a beach trip meant a weekend and hours in traffic, while a latte and the mall were ordinary options.
Coastal life and cultural ties
Surfing and beach volleyball did not surprise the writer, but pickleball’s popularity did. Turning down an invitation to a pickleball birthday party from someone they had just met on Bumble BFF left them feeling like an outsider and added to the difficulty of making friends.
In Los Angeles, the writer spent much of their time in Glendale, known for its large Armenian diaspora. They miss their favorite cultural hubs and still call relatives partly to practice the language they grew up speaking.
Building a different routine
The writer says the first two of the four years after moving were the most difficult. Over time, they found ways to make the most of life in Santa Barbara, including becoming an active volunteer with the American Red Cross, The Dream Foundation and ENGin.
The writer describes the volunteer work as healing. They have also grown comfortable spending time alone, dining with a book, visiting museums and going to movies by themselves.
Key points
- The move from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara brought a harder search for lasting friendships.
- Established local social circles and unfamiliar pastimes made fitting in difficult.
- The writer misses Glendale’s cultural hubs and calls relatives to practice their childhood language.
- Volunteering and solo activities have helped the writer adjust over four years.