My parents are getting older, but we still haven't talked about long-term care. I keep avoiding it, but don't want to be unprepared.
Why planning feels difficult
The writer says their parents remain capable and do not currently need help from their children. That makes conversations about wills, living arrangements and what might happen if one parent could no longer care for the other feel premature and uncomfortable.
At the same time, both parents have begun slowing down. The writer has noticed minor mobility issues that do not yet affect their independence but were absent five years ago.
Family history adds context
The writer’s maternal grandmother had dementia, while both paternal grandparents died of cancer in their 80s. The writer stresses that this history does not predict what will happen to their parents, but it discourages assuming there is plenty of time to prepare.
A friend’s experience also weighs on the writer. The friend faced illness, grief and long-term care arrangements before he had planned for them, leaving him to make major decisions during a crisis.
Distance could complicate decisions
In 2017, the writer and their wife moved from Calgary to Nelson, BC, a seven-hour drive from both sets of grandparents. They chose the move for their children, the mountains and a smaller life, and the writer says there is no regret about that decision.
But the distance could make future care harder to manage. If the parents’ independence changes, the writer may have to make decisions from far away without knowing their wishes or where important documents, such as a will, are kept.
Starting with ordinary questions
The writer has begun putting questions on a phone, focusing on practical matters to raise before any emergency. These include where the will is and what the parents would want if one could no longer care for the other.
The writer also wants to learn what kind of help their parents would consider acceptable before they felt compelled to call for support. The aim is to talk while the parents can explain their preferences themselves.
Key points
- The writer’s parents are in their mid-60s and remain independent, though both have minor mobility changes.
- Family health history and a friend’s experience have made future care planning feel more pressing.
- The writer lives a seven-hour drive from both sets of grandparents after moving to Nelson, BC, in 2017.
- They have started listing questions about wills, care preferences and possible help.