Nearby friends still drifted apart: I thought staying in my college town after graduation would spare postgrad growing pains, but it didn’t
Staying in Fort Worth
The writer graduated from Texas Christian University last year and chose not to leave Fort Worth. The city held familiar places and routines, including group dinners and rodeos at the Stockyards, sunset walks along the Trinity River, and a longtime church community.
The writer also wanted to explore more of Fort Worth beyond campus and did not want to return to a hometown in California. Staying seemed likely to make the adjustment after graduation less stressful. The writer expected college friends to keep gathering often and spontaneously.
Nearby, but less connected
In the months after graduation, the writer began feeling lonely. The writer was the only person in the friend group with a standard 9-to-5 job, while friends had more flexible work or continued their education.
Their schedules and daily responsibilities no longer matched. Making plans took more effort, and an after-work walk that might once have happened spontaneously could need to be arranged a week ahead. The writer found that living close to friends did not prevent a sense of distance.
Making friendship intentional
A year and a half after graduation, the writer has come to see that adult friendships need more deliberate effort. Longer stretches with friends other than roommates are easiest to arrange on weekends, while weekday plans work better when friends join existing routines, such as going to the gym or making dinner together.
The writer has also become more financially independent and established weekly routines. Running a marathon, leading a small group in the college ministry previously attended, and visiting family at any time have helped the writer take greater ownership of time.
A life taking shape
The writer’s boyfriend recently proposed, adding wedding planning and preparation for marriage to postgrad life. Some friends have shared that season, spending weeknights together on the couch to send save-the-dates, look for bridesmaid dresses, and discuss vendor choices.
The writer no longer wants to preserve college life as it was. Instead, the focus is on appreciating the life now developing, wherever friends may be.
Key points
- The writer stayed in Fort Worth after graduating from Texas Christian University, hoping the choice would ease postgrad adjustment.
- Different work schedules and responsibilities made friendships harder to sustain, despite friends living nearby.
- Weekends and shared weekday routines have helped the writer spend time with friends.
- A recent proposal has brought wedding planning into the writer’s next chapter.