Made the C-suite at a media company: the picture of success, falling apart inside

Success with lingering doubts

When the writer was hired as editor in chief at HuffPost, the news made The New York Times. The first year was difficult, but the team made the site profitable.

Afterward, the writer focused on building trust with the team, and conditions improved. Still, moving into the C-suite brought dread, and the writer never felt secure.

Coping with daily challenges

The writer had long relied on outside pressure to get work done and struggled with procrastination. Those difficulties were attributed to bipolar disorder, diagnosed in December 2005, while coping strategies helped conceal some problems.

Video calls were particularly difficult. Computer alerts, including emails, social media pings and Slack notifications, competed for attention with conversations on Google Meet.

Time away brought struggles forward

After nearly a decade without time off, the writer rested, but the usual work pressures disappeared. With no meetings, calls or external prompts, burnout and depression left the writer wanting to do nothing.

The writer could not focus on job cover letters or finish sample chapters for a memoir that had been in progress for nearly three years. The writer did not feel better, and had not asked a doctor about ADHD, which had faded from consideration while building a career.

Recognizing familiar symptoms

Earlier this year, the writer began seeing successful women online describe brain fog, memory problems and difficulty focusing. The women identified ADHD as the explanation for their symptoms. The writer already had years of coping skills and concluded there was no need to keep suffering because of personal success.