At the playground, I never play with my kids—parents may think I’m lazy, but there’s a good reason I sit back

Raising independent children

Lopez says her own mother was often absent while she was growing up, and she did not want her children to feel alone. At the same time, she wanted to pass on the independence she gained by learning to do things for herself.

She saw being their mother, and preparing them for life beyond her care, as more important than being their friend. She says she wanted them to be able to stand on their own and face what life might bring.

Everyday responsibilities at home

Lopez says her sons are responsible for their bedrooms, though she is willing to help. They take their own dishes to the sink, tidy after playing and carry their own snacks so they can eat when hungry. As a working single mother, Lopez sometimes offers payment for work she would normally do herself but does not have time to complete.

Watching from the sidelines

At parks and soft play centers, Lopez says she sits on a bench or at a table instead of hovering over her sons. She lets them work out what they can do, while remaining ready to assist, support them or catch them if needed.

Her role in those settings, she says, is to keep them safe rather than act as their playmate. Other parents have looked at her suspiciously, and she thinks they may see her as lazy.

Lopez says that does not mean she never plays with her children. They play together often, just not in those settings.

Letting them manage screens

The boys have set screen-time limits, but Lopez leaves them to manage the time themselves. After school, they get 30 minutes; on weekends, they have two 30-minute periods, plus another 45 minutes when they play on screens together.

They set a timer rather than relying on Lopez to check how long they have been playing. She says this helps reduce arguments when screen time ends, while giving them responsibility for regulating it.