Kids Were Ready for College, but Weren’t Quite Prepared for Adulthood: A Parent’s Lessons

Skills left unlearned

The parent says juggling a small business and raising children left little time to teach every basic task. Although the children vacuumed, did laundry and cleaned sinks, they were not expected to scrub toilets.

The parent attributes that omission partly to personal squeamishness and the children’s objections. Now, the parent is emphasizing hygiene and housekeeping as useful parts of adult life.

Lessons about money

In their final year of high school, the parents helped the children open checking accounts and plan budgets. But they did not sufficiently teach the importance of paying bills and repaying debt.

One child bought a used Toyota Tacoma with help from a partial loan from the parents, but stopped making the agreed monthly payments. He eventually repaid the full amount at once, and the parents let the missed installments slide. When a second child also disregarded a financial agreement, the parent reconsidered whether firmer consequences or a bank loan might have been wiser.

Health and independence

The parent had encouraged the children to arrange their own doctor appointments but continued to guide decisions about school attendance and illness. During his first year of college, one child ignored cold symptoms that later appeared as chest pains.

He was diagnosed with acute pericarditis, spent three nights in hospital and received six months of outpatient follow-up. The attending physician told the parent it was a textbook response to strep throat, then asked the student whether his throat had been sore.

Growing through discomfort

As the youngest child left for college on the opposite coast, the parent encouraged her to enjoy the experience while recognizing that loneliness and discomfort can be part of it. The parent now frames the missed lessons as opportunities for growth rather than only as failures. That perspective, the parent suggests, applies to children learning adulthood and parents learning how to prepare them.