Your child wasn’t invited to the party: here’s how to handle disappointment

A common childhood experience

Dr Sasha Hall, an educational and child psychologist, says children are likely to miss out on a birthday invitation at some point. She describes the situation as “completely normal.” Cariad Lloyd, a comedian, author and mother of two, calls it a “rough” experience for a child. Hall says stepping in may feel tempting, but is not helpful in the long term.

Offer another focus

Hall suggests arranging a different activity so the child has something else to look forward to. She also advises parents to make clear that not being invited is not a judgment of their child.

Lloyd says parents can explain that party plans differ. A family may choose a smaller gathering because of cost or because of the parents’ own preferences and experiences.

Put invitations in perspective

Lloyd says that as similar situations arise during primary school, parents can help children see that they happen to others, too. She describes children taking turns being left out, which can make each incident feel less dramatic.

Hall says friendships become more meaningful and stable as children grow. She says children may begin choosing playmates around ages three to five, while friendships become more stable at about five to seven.

Friendships develop over time

Hall cites research suggesting that moving from acquaintance to friend takes 40 to 60 hours, while becoming a good friend takes 200 hours. Her comments underline that one missed party invitation need not define a child’s friendships. Parents can acknowledge the disappointment while helping children understand that social connections develop over time.