Triggering, Understand, Therapy Speak: What Parents Can Learn From Their Teen

Words that leave parents puzzled

Shannon Salvatoriello, a mother of four in New Jersey, says her 14- and 17-year-old sons use therapy-related terms, leaving her feeling confused. She says they sometimes tell her she has triggered them when she asks about school or friends.

Carla, a mother of six, says she had not heard words such as “triggering” and “gaslighting” before her teenage sons began using them. She says they sometimes accuse her of gaslighting, especially when she asks about friends or schoolwork.

Carla says her sons might describe being stressed about exams as her triggering them. She says this can make it difficult to understand what is troubling them.

Why the language is spreading

New York psychiatrist Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell says social media is one place teenagers turn to as they make sense of themselves and the world. She has noticed young people increasingly labelling problems rather than simply describing their feelings.

Garfinkle-Crowell says some teenagers may reach for medical language because it feels like the only way to be heard. She understands why parents may feel that their children are speaking a new language.

She advises parents not to argue with their children over the terms they use. If a teenager describes symptoms of a condition such as anxiety disorder or depression, she says parents should consider consulting a mental health professional.

Listening before responding

London psychotherapist Julia Samuel says listening can help parents bridge the divide. She suggests using ordinary language and talking about a similar experience of your own, rather than asking direct questions.

Samuel warns that describing normal feelings, such as mild distress, with medical terms like anxiety disorder could contribute to patterns of behaviour and emotion that lead to a disorder. Salvatoriello says she spent several years learning that insisting her children answer questions was not helpful. When she gives them space, she says, they may later share news, such as a good test result.