How I Never Lied to My 10-Year-Old About Death, Santa, or What’s Really for Dinner

Choosing honesty with care

The mother says she does not judge parents who use harmless untruths. She wanted to take a different approach, while recognizing that some subjects can remain private or be discussed later in an age-appropriate way.

When her daughter asked why a relative’s marriage ended less than a year after the wedding, she gave a brief explanation: “He did something really bad, and it hurt her a lot,” she told her. She did not continue the conversation.

Letting Santa questions unfold

The mother did not tell her daughter that Santa existed. Her daughter began believing through friends, family and Christmas marketing, and the mother let her enjoy that belief.

When her daughter later asked directly if Santa was real, the mother responded, “Hmmm, what do you think?” She listened as her daughter reasoned aloud and explained that many people, including classmates, believed in Santa. Her daughter agreed not to share her doubts with peers, so as not to upset their parents.

Trust through everyday answers

The mother says these conversations were not always easy. They included her daughter’s first lesson about death, reluctance to try some foods, and an admission that she had forgotten to look after a stuffed toy while her daughter was at school.

When her daughter asks about makeup she has put on her mother’s face, the mother praises her creativity and says she enjoyed the makeover, without pretending that electric pink eyeshadow is her favorite color. She believes this candor has brought them closer and that her daughter trusts her answers.

Why parents may use untruths

The mother understands that parents want to protect their children, but thinks they may also lie to avoid difficult situations. She says it can feel easier to claim a place is closed than to admit being too tired to go. She gives another example: telling a child that a spider is gone to help them sleep, despite not knowing where it went.